Bleeding through Bandages
by GreenApples11
Summary: Not all scars are visible. These are. Amy finds out just how much pain the Doctor is in. Self-harm Doctor Who story. CAN BE TRIGGERING


The Doctor collapsed into his bead, relieved to finally be alone. Amy and Rory were in the other room, probably sound asleep. He closed his eyes, thinking of the Dopplegangers that he just got killed. _His fault. _Those people died. Someone who was _him_ had sacrificed himself. The Doctor sighed.

Rose

Mickey

The Master

Jenny

Jack

Martha

Donna

All of Gallifrey

And so many more.

There were just so many people he had failed. The Doctor closed his eyes and mentally activated a projection of Gallifrey. All the children, all the friends and families, all the innocent faces, and all those The Doctor had failed to save. No, that he had killed.

A few tears fell down The Doctor's face. He was selfish. Dragging companions along just to eventually be forgotten. Tears came down heavier now, as projections of past companions came up.

A small thought buzzed in the back of The Doctor's mind. It had been years. "Never again" he had clearly stated after a depressed period causeed by the end of the Great Time War. But the urge was too strong. The TARDIS, sensing what he was about to do hummed a mournful warning.

The Doctor reached into an old drawer, not opened in a very long time. He pulled out a knife. The silver blade crusted with old blood. The Doctor, now nearly drowning in his own tears, pulled up his sleeve, noticing very old scars. That was the funny thing, with every regeneration, the scars never left. Faded a bit, yes, but a constant reminder of all his failures. He placed the knife on his upper wrist. He let the blade drag across the pale skin, ripping it open, scarlet drops quickly forming. The agony felt so good it was scary. He repeated this action again and again, deeper with each cut. He knew he deserved this pain. He hungered for it. He had wished to do this for so long now.

A while later, when The Doctor could no longer see straight, he collapsed on the blood-soaked bed for the second time that night. The blade lay on the floor and the projections still looping. He was glad for his Time-Lord blood that replenishes itself. The Doctor carelessly placed a few strips of gauze over his unrecognizable arms. He fell asleep (Or unconscious, hard to tell which) in his own blood.

"Good morning Doctor." Said a bubbly Scottish voice, to The Doctor as he walked out of the hallway and into the control room with Rory and Amy.

"Hello Ponds!" he said, checking to making sure his tweed sleeves were on tightly. "So, were are we going today?" Rory asked.

Amy grinned. "I would just love to go to a beach, get some vitamin K, go swimming, you know... _relax." _

She aimed her words toward The Doctor. "Hmm... I guess you to have deserved a day off. What do you say Rory?" Rory nodded at The Doctor. "Well, looks like were going to Ahimz6, the biggest beach planet in the nearby galaxy." he said as confusing buttons and levers were pushed.

Amy and Rory stepped out of the TARDIS fully clad in a hot pink and white polka dotted bikini, and Rory shirtless in a pair of swimming trunks. The Doctor followed in similar TARDIS blue trunks but with a long sleeve black rash-gaurd.

The water was clear and blue, and the only other alien life forms were miles down the coastline. Rory laid out a red and purple striped beach blanket while Amy jumped into the perfect water. The Doctor watched her, smiling. "Doctor, come on, get in the water!" She yelled.

The Doctor just shook his head. "I'm good right here Pond.". Amy frowned but let it go as Rory ran towards her, splashing water everywhere.

"Alright Ponds, I'll be back later. I have some repairs to do to the TARDIS. See ya." He sprinted into the TARDIS, quickly closing the doors behind him.

"Hello Doctor." Said the newly made Doppleganger, knowing exactly what he was planning to do. "Please, just do it", begged the real Doctor to his ganger. The ganger leaned back and punched The Doctor across the face. They both smiled. _We deserve this_.

He kicked him in the shin, and pulled some of his hair. The pain made everything so clear. The Doctor had forgotten how addicting self-harm got, but he really didn't care. Another strong blow came to his rib cage. A trickle of blood came out the corner of The Doctor's grinning mouth.

Amy watched as the TARDIS disappeared and reappeared within 5 seconds. She knew it could have been any amount of time to The Doctor. She got out of the water and walked into the control room. She saw her Raggedy Doctor covered in gold flecks that were slowly dissipating. His alarmed face was quickly hidden with a smile. His face was bright, but she saw the tightness behind his eyes and that worried her. "What was that gold stuff?" She asked suspiciously. "Absolutely nothing you should worry your pretty little face about." He said reassuringly.

After a long day at the beach, Amy and Rory were exhausted and soaked to the bone. The Doctor had refused to go in the water, but he participated in a sand sculpture contest. Amy caught him cheating with his sonic screwdriver, which made them all laugh. It was a fun day, but Amy just couldn't stop wondering what The Doctor was doing in the TARDIS.

2 weeks later

Amy laid in her bed unable to sleep. The Doctor was definitely hiding something. Her and Rory had sharing theories in secret, but neither of them had gotten close to what seemed like the truth. Amy got out of bed to get a glass of water for her parched throat. Nights before, she had attempted finding The Doctor's room with no luck. She had eventually given up searching.

Amy got to the kitchen and filled a glass with cool water. She drank the glass and went back to the hallway satisfied. When she got to her room, something stopped her dead in her tracks. The Doctor once mentioned her being telepathic, but she never quite put that into reality. There was no voice in her head, but there was a thought that told her: Turn around, take a left, a right, and two more lefts. The thought was unmistakeably blue (I hope you kinda understand what I mean when I say her thought was 'blue').

Amy did as the TARDIS asked with a pang of worry. When Amy got to the last instruction, she found herself at a black shiny door. There was a brass nameplate that read: "The Doctor" in the center of the door. Amy pulled on the knob, but to her frustration, it was locked. A golden dust wrapped itself around the knob and it unlocked. Thanks TARDIS. Amy thought.

She opened the door gingerly, yet excitedly, hoping to find what The Doctor has been hiding from her. What she saw was soooo much worse. Amy screamed and ran into the room. She helplessly stared at her Raggedy Doctor, not wanting to hurt him. Amy began to sob. On the bed was a blood-soaked, unconscious Time Lord.

The room was full of projections of people Amy didn't recognize. A long bloody knife was on the floor. The blue sheets were almost all red, and The Doctor's arms were unrecognizable, looking like something you get from a butcher after he sliced it to bite size pieces. Rory ran into the room, woken by Amy's scream. He froze at the door, but quickly switched to nurse mode and silently picked up one side of the bedsheets his unconscious body laid on. Amy picked up the other side as they carried the doctor to the medical bay.

Amy and Rory were both in tears as they unbuttoned his shirt and pants, leaving the Doctor in just his boxers. His too skinny frame, covered in bruises, burns and worst of all deep bloody cuts. His hands and face were clean, hiding the scars well. Amy winced when she thought of how many times she had dragged the Doctor by the arm or playfully punched him in the stomach.

The Doctor stirred in his pained sleep when he felt Rory applying tight bandages and moist creams. His baggy eyes shot open. For a millisecond, The Doctor had a confused look on his face, but that turned to pale rage as he saw Amy and Rory's broken faces examining his nearly-naked body. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?" He shouted at them, tears welling up in his red eyes. Amy flinched at The Doctor's anger, but returned the anger. "What do you mean what are we doing!? Your the one covered in your own blood!" She cried out. "MY ROOM WAS LOCKED FOR A REASON. TO KEEP STUPID HUMANS OUT!" The Doctor yelled, jumping off the metal hospital bed and running to his room before Amy or Rory could do anything. Amy let yet another tear fall as he limped so badly, she could tell it hurt to run.

That morning, while Amy and Rory shared a silent breakfast, they could hear The Doctor's pained sobs from his room. "Doctor?" Amy called softly and knocked at his door. The handle had blood on it and was surprisingly unlocked. Amy walked in and beelined to the Doctor. She grabbed The Doctor and wrapped him in a tight hug. They stayed like that for a good 5 minutes before The doctor recoiled shamefully. Amy looked at him sternly. "What the hell have you been thinking?" She whispered, glancing at the projections. She noticed one projection of children, running around and smiling. _Oh god _she said to herself. It was Gallifreyan children. That he killed. Killed. The words rang in her ears.

"Don't you see now? I deserve this." He said miserably. Amy whipped her head around. "No Doctor, you don't deserve this. I can't believe we didn't notice sooner. You are the kindest, most generous, friendly, silliest, most stylish, bestest alien I have ever met. Or human in that matter. Don't you ever do that again. Too many people love you. I love you, Rory loves you, River loves you, I bet all these people love you-" She said, motioning to all the projections of his friends he had failed.

The Doctor smiled a little and stood up, tightening his bandaged arm. Together, they walked to the kitchen where The Doctor made fish fingers and custard and Amy made waffles. This was going to be a tough road to recovery, but they will be fine. He is after all Mr. Cool.


End file.
